To our NMRI family,
We at the National Marshmallow Roasters Institute (NMRI) have decided to stay open on Thanksgiving Day for the benefit of our customers. We realize that many of our employees will have to work on Thursday and be away from their biological families.
Our Board of Directors, however, believes wholeheartedly that our employees are one big happy family and will want to spend this holiday at the institute, even more so than with their biological families. Yes, there are some naysayers who believe people should not have to work on Thanksgiving. These are society's "Takers". Our NMRI family has no sympathy for those liberal lunatics who just take, take, take. Our dedicated and happy employees, after all, know that corporations are people too. And the NMRI is one of the nicest people you'll ever come to know.
While our board members will be slaving over carving turkeys, tasting wine, and lugging beach toys down to Malibu Beach outside our corporate retreat on Thanksgiving, we will propose a toast, during half time of the Lions game, to our employees who are at the institute helping people like our customers and the corporation, joyously and with a smile on their faces.
Thank you to our employees, and we do so wish we could be there with you on Thursday. But, alas, we must slave away with our biological families.
President and Director of Unpaid Social Liaisons
National Marshmallow Roasters Institute