American Idol - January 13, 2010

What a nightmare. Except for the new hit single "Pants on the ground". I am not going to be able to watch these audition shows. 90% of the time it's like watching someone vomit. So, when we get down to the top 24, I'll continue with these American Idol blog entries. Until then, I'll just write about, oh...anything else in the world. I found out that they do not have even elementary school education in Tennessee after watching the blond "country singer" who gets to ride on an air-o-plane now. Her momma did have a nice trailer, though. She makes Kelly Pickler look like a Rhodes Scholar. (Question 1: Who is Kelly Pickler?)

I just figured out why they pay the idol judges so much money. Because nobody else could stomach what they have to do. Mary J Blige must really be hurting financially to have to take this gig. She could not help but laugh at the idiots parading before her. She looked at the other judges as if to say, "Y'all really do this for a whole season? I'd rather go clean toilets for a living! Tell me I don't have to come back next week, or else shoot me now!" (Question 2: How much does Simon get paid, per year, for doing American Idol?)

It must have been in Ellen DeGeneres's contract that she does not have to sit through all the crappy auditions. She is smarter than I gave her credit for. And did I mention she is a thespian? I enjoyed her acting in her sit-com years ago. (Question 3: What was the name of Ellen's sit-com?)

American Idol - January 12, 2010

Posh Spice (Victoria Beckham) looked out of place at the judges' table tonight. As is so often said of the contestants, Posh is forgettable. It is hoped she will not be back tomorrow night. I totally expected to see Ellen DeGeneres, but alas, we'll probably have to wait a few weeks before her grand entrance. I hear there are up to eight guest judges. Heavens to Mergatroid!

I thank my lucky stars that we have a digital video recorder and can speed through the commercials. But more importantly, we can speed through the so-called "singers" who should not be there. I do believe tonight there were fewer annoying people, and more who could actually sing decently enough to go to Hollywood. One of the female contestants stood out from all the rest. If you watched, I think you know the one. The judges were kind to several who will not make it through the next round. And the judges restrained themselves from throwing at least one obnoxious contestant out the window into the water below.

Do you realize that we will not be down to the top 24 until February 17th? And the voting people off will not start until February 23rd? When the voting people off begins, I will try and have forms for us to rate the performances. You can see if your good judgment matches that of the rest of America.

Now, for crying out loud, give us your comments on tonight's performances and judges! Are we champing at the bit to see Ellen's debut? Will she pass muster? Or will she flop? I expect good things from her. She will surprise us. Did you know she is a thespian? I just heard that on the radio. Yes, I guess she acted in her own sit-com years ago, but I won't hold that against her.